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Humoristic quotes

"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Without Feathers, 1976)

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Annie Hall, 1977)

"To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Stardust Memories, 1980)

"I don't believe in afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Getting Even)

"Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / New Yorker, 'My Philosophy')

"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935)

"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?"
(Woody Allen / born in 1935)

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935)

The Devil's Dictionary of Ambrose Gwinett Bierce (1842-1914)

"If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses."
(Lenny Bruce, American satirist / 1925-1966)

"I do not believe in God because I do not believe in Mother Goose."
(Clarence Darrow / 1857-1938)

"Calling Atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair color."
(Don Hirschberg)

"Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat."
(Sir Julian Huxley / 1887-1975)

"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart."
(Henry Louis Mencken / 1880-1956 / Minority Report / 1956)

"I'ma born-again atheist."
(Gore Vidal / born 1925)

"I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability."
(Oscar Wilde / 1854-1900)

"God has spared the naked man from washing his clothes with soap."
(Arabian Proverb)

"If a dog's prayers were answered, bones would rain from the skies."
(German Proverb)

"Most people like short prayers and long sausages."
(German Proverb)

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