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Quotes

Woddy Allen


(born in 1935)

Actor, director, screenwriter
U.S.



Quotations of Woody Allen

"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Love and Death, 1975)

"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Without Feathers, 1976)

"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Without Feathers, 1976)

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Annie Hall, 1977)

"To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Stardust Memories, 1980)

"I don't believe in afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Getting Even)

"Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / New Yorker, 'My Philosophy')

"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Getting Even, 'My Philosophy')

"I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935 / Quoted in "Woody Allen and his Comedy" by Edward Lax)

"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935)

"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935)

"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?"
(Woody Allen / born in 1935)

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."
(Woody Allen / born in 1935)



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